


Get the Girl

by shadybitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, canon references but mostly au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadybitch/pseuds/shadybitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Maria try to move on from their pasts and demons, discovering that they are stronger together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This originally wasn't supposed to be a multi-chapter story. Things got out of hand.

Steve looks into the distance from the balcony on the highest floor on the Avengers tower.

There's a loud party going on at the floor below; Tony was celebrating… something. He didn't remember exactly what it was now but it was something relevant, which is why he had agreed to show up. Along with Tony and Pepper, Natasha, Clint, Maria, Rhodes and Sam were there so he had at least some good conversations to carry on. But ultimately the loud music and the vibrant ambiance took the best of old Cap and he hid on the empty balcony to have a break.

"You know the party is downstairs, right?" he hears a familiar voice with an English accent calling behind him. He then turns around to face Peggy Carter in all her young glory.

He sighs. "Did Stark drug me again?" he asks sniffing his drink.

"Most likely," Peggy answers amused as she approaches the parapet.

He turns slightly to face her. "Why when I have some sort of hallucination, it's always you?"

"Because you haven't let go of me," she shrugs. "The real question, however, is why haven't you let go of me yet?"

He looks away into the distance. "I don't know."

"Please, Steve," she says between annoyed and amused. "You know better than to underestimate my wits."

He chuckles at this. "True," he confirms looking back at her.

"So?" she asks with an arched eyebrow.

He sighs again. "I guess… I guess I feel like I let you down."

"How? You saved the world," she says simply.

"But I didn't save you."

"I never needed saving," she says defiantly. "I was never some bloody damsel in distress. I can take care of myself."

He actually laughs at this. "Also true," he says shaking his head. "Okay, let me rephrase it. I didn't save  _us_."

"It wasn't your fault. Life just got in our way. Maybe it was meant to be like that."

He looks away again for awhile before answering it. "I know. It just sucks that I didn't get the girl."

"Your story isn't over yet, you can still get the girl. Just not  _this_  girl," she says letting out a little chuckle. When he doesn't answer, she adds. "I mourned you, Steve. I suffered. But eventually I moved on, and I was happy. There's no reason for you not do the same thing."

He stays silent for a little longer before saying in almost a whisper. "You're probably right."

"You should know by now I'm always right," she retorts and he laughs.

"But is that even a good idea?" he asks looking back at her. "I mean, look at the life I'm living. Is it even fair to bring someone to this mess?"

"You can't live the present and believe in the future if you're afraid of repeating the past. You can't avoid getting involved with someone because you're afraid it'll end up the same way it did with us. You have to take a risk, Captain."

"It's not that," he starts, and she gives him a sharp look. "Okay, it's not  _just_  that. I mean, my life is pretty crazy, God knows tomorrow we can be at war again. How would I even make a relationship work in the middle of this?"

"Barton has a wife and three kids," she argues.

He frowns. "How do you know that?"

"I'm your consciousness, Steve. I know everything you know," she explains with a hint of impatience. "All of this it's just you talking to yourself."

"Right," he says pursing his lips, frown still in place.

"Look, Steve, you don't have to marry anyone and have kids right now," Peggy says firmly. "Just live a little. Go downstairs, find that pretty girl and ask if she would like to dance with you."

He looks directly at her. "You want me to dance with another girl?"

She smiles fondly at him. " _You_  want to dance with another girl. And you should. She won't wait forever."

He stares at her for a little while longer, a little smile covering his lips. "You're probably right."

She grins back at him. "I'm always right," she nods towards the balcony door. "Go get the girl, Captain."

He looks towards the door, and when his gaze falls back on the spot she was standing before, she's already gone. He shakes his head lightly, still smiling. "Thanks, Peggy."

* * *

"Well, thank you for gracing us with your presence," Tony says sarcastically when Steve gets back to their table.

Steve glares at him. "Stop putting stuff on my drinks."

"Tony!" Pepper reprimands.

"I have no idea what's he talking about," Tony says to Pepper, and then turns back to Steve. "But if I had put something on your drink, which I didn't, it would have been something safe and with the only intention to well, test your fast metabolism, and also help you enjoy yourself. But since I did not put anything on your drink, you can be your own regular boring self. Because I didn't do anything."

Rhodes, Sam, Nat and Clint laughed, Maria rolled her eyes and Pepper apologized. Steve just shrugged.

"It's fine. This time I'll let it slip because the something he absolutely did not put on my drink" he pauses to glare at Tony again, and the other man just nodded innocently, "actually gave me an epiphany."

"Really? What was it?" Nat asks.

"That I'm young" everybody laughs at this, "and I have to live a little. So I'm going to dance."

"Whooooo! You go, Capsicle! Let's drink to that!" Tony shouts lifting his glass and everybody join the toast, emptying their glasses in celebration.

Steve puts down his glass, shakes his head and takes a deep breath. It's time to move on.

He turns towards his target and crosses the space between them in firm strides. He stops before Commander Maria Hill and extends his hand. "Would you like to dance with me?"

Everyone else stay silent in anticipation, expressions between surprise (everybody) and amusement (Natasha).

Maria just looks at him with an unreadable face for a moment. Then a smirk colors her features and as she takes his hand she replies "I thought you'd never ask."

Tony calls another toast as the pair head towards the dance floor.


	2. Chapter 2

It was no secret that Steve Rogers deeply admired and respected Maria Hill. She's Nick Fury's left eye for God's sakes, if this doesn't say everything about her skills then nothing else does. And she's more trustworthy – and sexier – than him, so yay.

Since the beginning, Steve always valued her assistance on the job, but it wasn't until S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed that he could clearly see how important she was. Her loyalty to him and her indispensable help through that whole ordeal definitely made him reconsidered everything he knew. Maria Hill is always there and she's more than relevant.

So he started noticing her more. At first with curiosity, just wondering what goes through a mind like hers. She's always connected, always looking at an angle, figuring something out, observing, planning, knowing. He wonders if she sleeps at all since her mind can't seem to turn off. Soon curiosity became fascination and he couldn't stop his own thoughts to drift away towards her when outside the job.

After S.H.I.E.L.D. went down Maria started to work for Tony Stark and since he would go on missions with the man every now and then, their paths crossed more often than not. And Steve is not complaining. Like, at all. He would take the opportunities to observe her, trying to figure her out but she's a tough cookie, as professional and private as they come. Becoming desperate, he discretely asked around about her but no one seemed to know anything. He even went as far as turning to Natasha Romanoff, casually mentioning Maria just see if he could get something out of her since the two women go way back working for Fury (he would even dare to say that if they were the type of girls who have BFFs, they'd probably be each other's) but the redhead just rolled her eyes and said "I'm not doing your work for you, Rogers. If you wanna know something about her, ask _her_ ". And he did want to ask her. Boy he did. But something was holding him back, so he just kept his distance for a while.

Steve had a new hobby now; he likes to watch Maria Hill watching people. When they're all together, the high ranking fellows of the Avengers project, everyone pairs up and chats and she engages, she's friendly enough and she laughs and teases and talks to everyone including him. But sometimes she just remains silent for a moment and looks over everybody. She doesn't seem sad or irritated, she's just pensive, like she's assessing everyone's conversation. She can't help her nature; always observing, evaluating, taking care of everything.

In one of these situations, at the party at the Avengers tower when they celebrated getting the Chitauri scepter back (and Ultron crashed it and ruined everything), while watching her Steve noticed she was trying to suppress a shiver, and was discretely rubbing her arms to fight the cold. He then took off his jacket and offered to her; he thought about just putting around her shoulders but he didn't know if the gesture would be welcomed, and he didn't want to seem presumptuous. She looked at the jacket and then at him, a little frown adorning her features, questioning.

"You're cold," he stated.

"I prefer heartless bitch," she said with a straight face but her eyes had glistened with amusement, and he realized the double meaning of his statement.

He laughed lightly at her witty comeback, he liked it. "I meant, you're feeling cold," he clarified motioning the jacket still held up.

As she took it and put it on she asked "How did you know?"

He shrugged. "I noticed," because I was watching you like a creep, he thought but left that part out.

She stared at him, her hypnotizing bright blue eyes narrowing as she figured it out the meaning behind his statement. When he thought he was about to be called out on watching her, she smiled sincerely and just nodded, "Thank you."

He nodded back and that was it. They went back to their regular socializing pattern and nothing else occurred. But he was pleasant to realize afterwards that she kept his jacket on the whole night.

Steve Rogers relives all of this while swirling around on the dance floor with his partner. And taking in how much fun he's having right now, he realizes Peggy was always right: the world's changed and none of us can go back, all we can do is our best; sometimes the best we can do it's to start over.

He smiles widely at Maria. "I didn't know you were such a good dancer!" he says loudly over the music.

She laughs at him. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Captain," she says with an arched eyebrow.

"That is true," he nods and gets closer, saying in her hear to make sure she hears it. "But I'd love to know more about you, if you don't mind."

She looks back at him with an unreadable face, but he knows better; the shiver that went through her body when he said those words was telling enough.

Then she opens a small smile. "Maybe."

"Promising," he says back still grinning. "I can work with that."

Maria just laughs at him again and they go back to the dancing.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been a week since the party and the dance Steve and Maria shared. They talked to each other after that but not really  _talked_ , their time was always cut short by some errand to be taken care of. She was busy looking over the paperwork for some new techs Tony was patenting and he was busy testing the new armory that Stark Industries were developing. Needless to say they didn't have much free time to spend with each other.

And frankly, Steve was tired of that.

So at lunchtime he grabbed some food from the kitchen and persuaded Maria to come eat with him on the rooftop of the new Avengers complex. Luckily, even though the sky was covered by clouds, it was a warm enough day and they could enjoy their meal with the beautiful view from their privileged spot, making small talk between bites.

"I saw this Captain America poster in a coffee shop the other day, one of the old ones, back from your time," Maria comments, trying to maintain her poker face. "What's with the little wings on your mask?"

Steve shakes his head dejectedly, letting out a small laugh. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Oh, come on, it's cute," she says still trying to suppress her laugh but failing to do so.

He glares at her. "It's embarrassing."

"Okay," she says, still giggling. "I've got an embarrassing story for you."

"Shoot."

She clears her throat and looks into the distance. "When I was in high school, my history and theater teachers organized a project for our science fair. They picked a historical moment and put together a play based on it to teach the kids history in a fun and creative way," she turns to him and rolls her eyes to emphasize how ridiculous she found the idea. "Anyway, the historical moment they picked was World War II and the play revolved around the great tale of Captain America."

He arches his eyebrows, eyes a little wide. "You're kidding."

"I wish I was, but hold on because it gets worse," she lets out a barked laugh before continuing. "As I was studying for my exams, I came across this documentary about World War II and it featured your story on it too. And I was so fascinated" at this he smirks, "by Peggy Carter" she adds with a pointed look and oddly enough his smile actually grows, "that when they started auditioning for the play I put my name on it."

"You auditioned for the play? For Peggy's role?" Steve asks, still smiling.

She nods, looking away again. "And I got the part. Not that I was a very good actress, but it's not like there were many girls wanting to be on a play about World War II."

"I'm sure you were great."

"I wasn't. But I took the job seriously; I studied and worked hard and became the best I could be," Maria pauses for a second and lets out a chuckle. "Which is why it pissed me off that the kid they picked to be Captain America sucked."

He lifts his eyebrows, an amused smile on his face.

"He was really bad. I think they only chose him because he was popular, which would make the play popular, and there was a physical resemblance. But other than that he was a terrible Steve Rogers."

She shrugs, still looking at the view before them.

"So the play sucked," she continues. "He was the main star and he was horrible, people couldn't care less about Peggy Carter, the play was a joke. I was so mad, I looked for the guy backstage and gave him crap about messing up with his awful acting."

"I feel bad for Captain America," Steve says, and Maria turns to him with a confused look. "I've been on the receiving end of Maria Hill's rage and it's not very pleasant," he laughs and she rolls her eyes at this but laughs too.

"I feel bad for him too," she hesitates for a moment. "Some time later I found out that the he had a crush on me, and when he learned that I was playing Peggy he signed to play Steve just so he could interact with me."

He just looks at her, not really sure of what to say. He finally settles on "Well that's unfortunate."

"Yeah," she sighs, gazing at the sky. "I felt so stupid. I had no idea he liked me, I hadn't even noticed, I was so focused on getting the part just right," she admits, and then shakes her head and looks back at him. "That gave me an epiphany though; I realized what I was really good at, and it's not dating or romance and etc. So since then my work has been my number one priority."

Steve looks at her with a concealed sadness. It's not pity, it's something else. "Well, you're damn good at your job," he adds with a crooked smile.

Maria nods. "And though the play sucked, I was very proud of myself. Even the school journal said the only thing salvageable from the play was my work as Agent Carter and that was kinda the goal so…" she trails off and sighs again. "Anyway, I don't even know why I'm telling you this story."

"It's a good story, and it sort of features me so it's important," he says with a mock serious tone and they share smiles. "I wish I could see young you as Peggy Carter."

She huffs. "No, you don't; trust me."

He chuckles at her crankiness. They remain silent for a few seconds before he says "You remind me of her."

Maria turns to him, surprised. "Of Peggy?"

He confirms with a nod. "You two have a lot in common. Your focus on your work, for instance; this craving to be good at it and to prove yourself, to know and show your value. It's very inspiring," he says with a movement of his head that looks like a reverence.

She tries to suppress a smile. "You don't know me that well to make the comparison."

"I know enough," he says, locking gazes with her. "I fought a war with you, just as I fought a war with her. And it's in the middle of the battlefield that you really know someone."

She nods, letting the words sink in. She then opens a contented smile, one he automatically imitates. Even though he likes her serious and no nonsense face, she also has a pretty smile that she absolutely should wear more often. It makes her bright blue eyes twinkle and it's a sight.

Steve makes a promise to himself to try to make Maria smile more often.


	4. Chapter 4

Maria finally managed to go over all the patenting contracts for Tony and organized everything, needing only his signature. Now they were in her office going over the last details and finalizing the process.

Not that he was impressed by her efficiency on the job but he did think she would have more trouble adjusting to it since she was so very used to a different kind of work as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. "It's not as different as you may think, Mr. Stark" she had said and it was true, a lot of things didn't change for her. And even though she missed working on S.H.I.E.L.D. a lot, she had to admit that the job at Stark Industries wasn't so bad. The paycheck was certainly  _very_  good.

And the fact that she had earned Tony and Pepper's trust and maintained a good and friendly relationship with both didn't hurt either. He had even joked that Fury should've sent her instead of Romanoff to pretend to be his assistant and babysit him back when he admitted being Iron Man to the world; he said that Maria is better with bureaucratic crap.

"So," Tony drawls after signing the last document she handed him. "You and Captain America."

She doesn't take her eyes off the contract she was re-reading. "Fishing for a bit of gossip here, boss?"

"Can you blame me?" he says back, playing with the pen and trying to read her body language. "It is some juicy gossip."

"Is it now?" she asks, still not looking up. He mutters an 'um-hum' but doesn't elaborate, so she urges, "And why's that?"

"Well, you two are a very unlikely pair…"

Now she lifts her head to study him. "We are?"

He gives her a glare. "He's a puppy and you're Ice Queen," she lifts an eyebrow to this and he adds "And I mean no offense, it's kinda hot and works for most guys."

"But not Steve," she suggests.

Tony shrugs. "I don't know, I always pegged him for the one who picks the sweetest and cutest girls, the ones that become mothers and housewives and stuff," he explains. "And we both know you're not that kind of a gal..."

"I most certainly am not," she mutters.

"And since he turned down Romanoff…"

"That doesn't exactly mean…"

"And the other girl, what's her name?" he asks, frowning in concentration. "Savannah? Sasha? Shannon?"

"Sharon?"

"Sharon!" he claps and points to her, confirming that she gave the right answer. "I mean, he was into her when he thought she was a nurse, but when he found out that she was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent she became history like that" he snaps his fingers for effect.

Maria just stares at him expressionless.

"Anyways, clearly I was wrong; he doesn't have a thing against ex S.H.I.E.L.D. girls after all," Tony backpedals, standing. "Well, good luck with Cap. Is there anything else you need me?"

"No, that would be all, Mr. Stark."

He nods his goodbye and leaves the office, leaving a very pensive Maria Hill behind.

* * *

"Can I ask you something?" Maria asks the next day when Steve manages to steal food and persuade her to go the roof and have lunch with him again.

"Shoot," the blonde says finishing chewing his last mouthful.

"Why am I here?"

He looks at her quizzically. "Because that's where we agreed to meet?"

"No, I don't mean why am I  _here_ ," she clarifies. "I mean, why am  _I_  here? Why me?"

He just continues to stare at her, confused.

She rolls her eyes at having to explain herself. "You could ask any girl you want out, literally any girl. Why me?"

Steve frowns at the question. "You're the one I wanted to ask out," he says like it's obvious.

"But why?"

"I like you," he says, but she doesn't show any reaction, just keeps looking at him. So he elaborates. "You're… different. Unique. You've intrigued since the beginning, but I never took it seriously. After S.H.I.E.L.D. went down and everything that happen then, I didn't have many people I could trust. You're one of the few I could count on, your help was indispensable."

"Most of that was Fury," Maria says, shaking her head. "I did very little."

"Fury would be nowhere without you," he says firmly. "And you were the one guiding me through the helicarriers, you're the one that rearranged the targets and blew up a big part of HYDRA," at this she opens her mouth to argue, but he lifts a hand and doesn't let her. "Don't even fight me on this."

Maria doesn't feel comfortable taking the credit. She knows she did help, but essentially she was just doing her job. And she still feels a little guilty about exploding the carriers with Steve still inside, even though he was the one who told her – ordered her – to do it.

To her silence, he continues. "Anyway, after that I just felt connected to you, I don't know how else to explain."

She nods, satisfied with the answer for now. She understands this connection he's talking about, but she doesn't say anything; she doesn't even know what she could say.

They remain silent for a moment before he asks. "What's about me?"

She looks at him, question in her eyes.

"Why did you accept going out with me? Is it the Captain America thing?" he asks intending to sound as a joke, but his eyes show a real concern.

"God no," Maria shakes her head. "That's the part I'm not very fond of, actually. I don't know how to deal with the hero thing. But I like Steve Rogers, he's a nice enough guy," he smiles at this. "Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. He's entitled, have a martyr complex and is very judgmental," to this he mutters an 'ouch' and she smiles at him. "But in the end he has a big heart and believes in good and is honest, which is completely different from all the guys I've ever known and different from myself too. It's a nice break, if you ask me."

"Good," he nods, smiling.

They stay silent for a few minutes, staring at the view before them, each mulling over what the other one said.

Then a thought crosses Maria's mind. She glances at Steve, thinking if she should say something or not. She opted for the former, knowing that with Steve the best policy always is honesty.

"You know I'm not her, right?"

He looks at her, quizzically. "Who?"

She turns to him. "Peggy."

He arches his eyebrows, surprised. "Of course."

She decides to elaborate. "Because you said the other day that I was a lot like her, and I'm not sure if you ever really got over her, and I don't want you to be confused here. I mean, it's a honor to me that someone thinks I'm anything like her at all, but the truth is even though I wish I was more like her, I'm not. I'm not Peggy," she realizes she's rambling so she shuts her mouth and waits for a reaction.

His face relaxes, and he sports an understanding smile. "I know, Maria. I do stand by the point that you have some of her best qualities, but I know you're not her. And I don't want you to be her, either. Peggy was special and I loved her, but my time with her it's over; it's been for a long while. I'm not looking for someone to replace her, I'm moving on."

"With me?"

"With you."

She stills seems unimpressed.

Steve tilts his head, locking gazes with her. "What makes you think I'd rather be here with anyone else other than with you?"

_Because my father was right and I'm not worthy of anyone let alone Captain America_ , it's what she thinks but she doesn't say it. She just shrugs.

"Well, I don't know who's got in your head but they're wrong. I want to be here with you, that's my choice," he says holding her gaze. "You're a fascinating woman, Maria Hill, and I want to enjoy that if you allow me."

Maria stares back at his boyish features, with his blonde hair and clear blue eyes, thinking that maybe the supersoldier was strong enough to fight the demons inside her.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve isn't nervous. He is not. There's no reason to be nervous. He isn't going to a war, or even to training. It's just dinner. Just the first official date with a woman he really likes. No big deal.

Except he's 97 years old and still doesn't know a bloody thing about women (he can hear Peggy's voice saying exactly that). He has no idea how to talk to them in a social context, especially the beautiful and strong – and kinda intimidating – ones.

But he must know something because if he was that bad, Maria wouldn't have accepted going out with him in the first place, right? She does what she wants, and if she said yes that means she wants to go out with him. And that is awesome. He hopes he doesn't screw this up.

Yeah, he is kinda nervous after all. But kinda excited too. This is totally different of what they've been doing the past weeks; no more just hanging out at lunch breaks, no more testing waters. They're going out on a date. A proper date. The intent is clear as day.

He grabs the car keys – no bike tonight – and takes a deep breath. "It's now or never, Rogers."

* * *

They're at their table in the restaurant, enjoying a nice meal and wine, and a very pleasant conversation. She looks particularly beautiful tonight; a simple but elegant black dress knee-length (and he's grateful the table cloth is covering the view of her legs or he'd be staring at them all night), and soft make up that makes the blue of her eyes sparkle even more than the usual.

They've covered so many topics in their conversation that is amazing how they still find new things to talk about. It's just so easy to get lost with one another; they can talk about anything and everything. Current subject is food.

"Though the food is good, you never get full at these restaurants, the portions are too tiny," Maria comments while shuffling the salad around in her plate. "If you wanna be full, pizza is the way to go. And spaghetti."

"That's true," Steve agrees. "Well, I'm not physically capable of being full, but pasta always makes me feel at least satisfied for awhile."

"You're not physically capable of being full?" she asks with an arched eyebrow.

"Nope," he answers. "It's one of the side effects of the serum. Since my metabolism burns four times faster than the average person, no matter how much I eat, soon enough I'm hungry again."

"So basically you can stuff your face with all the food in the world and you'll still be fit and insatiable," she says with a chuckle. "That's actually a pretty good side effect if you ask me."

"Yeah, I can't complain about that one," he shrugs, smiling. "But it bums me out that I can't get drunk sometimes."

"You can't get drunk? At all?"

"Nope."

"Well, there goes my plan to get you hammered and take advantage of you," she says with a playful smile, outright flirting for the first time with him.

"You can take advantage of me while I'm sober, I don't mind," he flirts back and it kinda shocks both of them. But it's so natural and easy and welcomed with them that they just smile widely.

Maria doesn't have the time to say something back though because at this moment two armed men enter the restaurant threatening to shoot anyone that doesn't do exactly what they say.

Of course, Steve thinks, one night off apparently is too much to ask.

He mulls over his best plan of action. He can sneak around and try to take down the guys, but it's risky because there's too many people in the restaurant, all easy targets to the men with their guns. Or he can make his presence known, lure the guys to him and knock them down. Both options seem bad, but the second one is less terrible.

He then stands up with his palms up.

"What are you doing?" Maria hisses at him. He maintains his focus on the men though.

One of the perps senses the movement and turns to Steve with his gun up. "Hey, what you think you doing, blondie? Sit back down!"

"Guys, why don't we let these nice people out and settle things just the three of us?" Steve says with a calm voice.

The same guy advances to Steve, pointing the gun directly at his chest. "Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down!"

"Wow, no need for this kind of language, buddy," Steve says back.

Recognition strikes some of the costumers and whispers of "it's Captain America" starts to roll around the room.

"Everybody shut up!" the perp next to Steve yells at the room.

"I think you really need to calm down, man," Steve says again.

Realizing that is indeed Captain America speaking, one of perps – the one farther away – starts to run towards the exit, scared. But Steve's faster, grabbing a tray from the nearest table and casting like he would do with his shield, hitting the perp's knees. On his way to the ground the guy hits his head in a chair and is knocked out instantly. The other perp watches it, panic in his eyes.

"Now, you put the gun down and we'll talk this out, okay?" Steve says calmly to him.

Desperate, the guy reacts by grabbing Maria by the arm and putting her between him and Steve, while pointing the gun at her temple.

"You made an absolutely terrible decision. I almost feel bad for you," Steve says; he's a little warier now, but he keeps his cool because he knows this turn out okay. "You're going to regret it so much."

"Yeah? This is the part when you make a speech about how you're gonna make me pay for hurting your girl?" the perp says wildly. "How you're gonna hurt me and…"

He has no time to finish though because Maria uses his distraction to step hard on his toe, and when he startles she elbows him even harder on the ribs making him cry out in pain. Then she takes advantage of this to slap his hand, making the gun fly away, but she's fast and grabs it before it falls to the ground, turning to point it at the perp with a smirk.

Steve appears behind her and looks over her shoulder at the subdued guy with a smirk of his own. "Told ya."

* * *

"Maybe it was presumptuous of us to think we would have a normal night," Maria comments when they reach her apartment.

After taking care of the perps, the police was called and they were taken in. An officer quickly took Maria and Steve's statements, and all was over. The owner of the restaurant not only didn't charge for their dinner but also said they can eat for free there for the rest of their lives.

With such a commotion though they decided to take their desserts and eat sitting on a bench at a small park just down the street of the restaurant. They chatted for a while, filled with adrenaline from what happened. When it got too chilly to be outdoors they decided to call it a night and go home (and of course Steve insisted on accompanying her to her door).

"Maybe," Steve says, defeated. "I'm sorry though. Tonight was supposed to be special."

"It was special. I've never rendered an attacker during dinner before," Maria says playfully. When Steve only gives her a small smile she adds "But seriously, we had no way to know that would happen. And despite of it, I had fun."

"I had fun too," he says back, smile more genuine. "Even when you were taking that guy down, I enjoyed that too. It was pretty cool."

She rolls her eyes at him. "Boys."

He chuckles. "But I promise next time there will be no perps to ruin our dinner."

"Next time, huh?" she says with a smirk. "Someone's confident."

"No, someone's hopeful."

She stares at him for a few moments before stepping closer, positioning herself right in front of him and locking gazes. "Next time sounds good."

He grins widely at her. "I think so too."

They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, the air crackling with electricity and heavy with tension, but no one makes a move.

Maria gets impatient. "So, are you going to kiss me or…" she trails off, dropping the ball at his court.

Steve blushes furiously and for a minute it looks like he's paralyzed or something. The he clears his throat and says sheepishly "Well, I was thinking about it, but now I'm a little embarrassed."

Maria suppresses a laugh at his cuteness. "Good thing I'm not," she says before closing the gap between them and touching his lips with her own.

The kiss is tentative, shy, and it's over really soon. Maria steps back and smiles at him, musing if it was too forward of her or just not the right place and right time. The last thing she wants is to get uncomfortable or awkward between them.

But the thought doesn't last in her mind because Steve's stepping forward and grabbing her waist, connecting their lips again. She throws her arms around his neck and he pushes her up against the door, deepening the kiss. It's a clash of teeth and tongues at first, just getting acquainted to each other's mouths, then they find their rhythm and it's all very sublime.

Maria Hill and Captain America are making out hard in the middle of the hallway.

When they part for air (they never hated the need to breathe so strongly before now), still a little lightheaded from the kiss (Steve thinks that  _now_  he has had his first real kiss since 1945), she prompts "Do you wanna come in?"

"I do want to, very much, but I'm not sure it's a good idea," he says, leaning his forehead against hers. "If we go inside I'm not gonna be able to stop myself and I don't wanna rush into things. I wanna do this right."

Of course, she thinks, this is Steven Freaking Rogers they're talking about. But for once she's glad for his old ways. "Yes, you're right. We have to take it slow."

She wriggles herself out of his embrace (if she spends another second within it she'll throw caution out of the window) and unlocks the door, slipping inside her cold and empty apartment.

"You better go before I change my mind though," she says with a playful smile even though her statement holds a bit of truth.

He looks pained, almost whining, and there's something so pleasurable about making a man his size practically pout.

"I'll have you know though that I won't sleep tonight because of this," he says.

"Oh, Captain," Maria says with a smirk that's far too provocative. "Wait until I show you the real good stuff," she winks then closes the door, leaving a haunted Steve Rogers behind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm not American and I know shit about the geography of the country, and also for the purposes of this fic, Maria is from a small town that I made up.

"Why did I have to see in Pepper's notebook that today is your birthday?" Tony strides her office in the middle of her lunch break, which she's – now unfortunately – spending with Steve.

Steve looks confused at him for a moment before turning to Maria. "Today is your birthday?"

Tony makes a face, something between surprise and amusement – and maybe satisfaction. "You didn't tell your boyfriend about your birthday?"

She winces; if it's because she feels remorse for not telling Steve or if it's because Tony called him her boyfriend, she's not certain. Sure, she and Steve have been going out for a while now, but it hardly counts as a real relationship, right? They haven't talked about that yet, and they probably should, but she so doesn't want it. Labels ruin everything.

"You went through your fiancé's stuff?" Maria deflects.

"I needed the password for the safe in my bathroom," Tony answers simply.

"You have a safe in your bathroom?"

"You don't know the password for your own safe?"

Steve and Maria ask simultaneously.

"Yes, I have. Do you know how rich I am? I have safes everywhere," Tony retorts to Steve. Then to Maria, "And no, I don't. Why would I know my password if I have Pepper?"

The brunette woman just shakes her head; classic Stark.

"You didn't answer my question though," Tony continues. "Usually Pepper tells me herself when it's someone's birthday, including hers, so I can pretend I remember and care about people. But she didn't tell me about yours, which led me to think that you requested that, which makes me wonder why."

Tony Stark wondering things is never a good sign.

Maria sighs. "Yes, I requested that. I myself don't care much for birthdays either, didn't want to make a fuss about it," and it's partially the truth.

But when she glances at Steve her heart aches a little with his kicked puppy face.

"Well, too bad. You're going to have a party waiting for you tonight," Tony says smugly.

"Why don't you let go of this idea and forget that today is my birthday and I forget to tell Pepper that you were messing with her stuff?" Maria challenges Tony with an arched eyebrow.

Stark regards her for a moment. "You got yourself a deal, Ms Hill," and with that he leaves her office.

"Were you planning on telling me about your birthday at all?" Steve asks casually looking down at his plate.

Maria knows he's trying to not appear hurt by the fact that she withheld that information but he is hurt and he is very transparent. And she's a little annoyed herself because, seriously, does he have any right to be hurt? It's her damned birthday, it's personal, why does she have this obligation to share it with him?

"Honestly, no. I wasn't going to say anything," she answers a bit irritated.

He looks up, sensing her annoyance. He regards her for a moment, probably trying to read her and assess if he should drop this or insist. His eyes soften when he says "Can I ask why?"

Looking into his blue soft eyes she melts a bit too. Steve's not the enemy here. But she's just so used to have to protect herself. "What does it matter to you if I told you about my birthday or not?"

He thinks about calling her out on deflecting his question but decides not to push; she's moody today. So he shrugs and looks down at his plate again. "I just thought…" he sighs, "it's our first birthday together and I wish I had known so I could make something special for you. I know it's a silly notion, and of course you didn't have to share your day with me, but we both know I'm an old fashioned guy and I just…" he chuckles at himself. "But I can't seem to get it right."

She chooses not to dwell on the "our first birthday together" part because that opens up a whole lot of meanings she's not ready to deal with right now. Instead she focuses on the realization that it's not an obligation after all. Not with Steve. He's not upset because he thinks she let him down by not telling; he's upset because he feels like he let her down as her… whatever he is to her.

He's not hurt because he has expectations from her; he's hurt because he cares, he thinks he could have arranged something to make this a nice day for her. It's impossible though, and that's why she didn't say anything to him to begin with. But he doesn't know that, doesn't know her motives, so yeah, she understands now that he can be a bit upset.

And she's so not used to this kind of care that she's thrown off a bit. She doesn't know how to respond, how to assure him he did nothing wrong. So she just comes clean.

"You remember that I told you that my mother died when I was very young?" she asks. He looks up at her, confused by the apparent change of subject, but nods anyway. "What I didn't tell you was that I was really, really young when it happened. Minutes young," his frown deepens and she clarifies, "My mother died giving birth to me."

Then the realization downs on Steve. "Today is the anniversary of your mother's death."

Maria just nods. She contemplates telling him it's no big deal or anything else to placate the apologies she knows he's about to proffer but this is Steve Rogers we're talking about, better let him get it out of his system already.

"I'm sorry," he says with raw emotion shining in his eyes; if anyone knows about loss, it is him. "I'm sorry for what happened and for pushing you just now, I shouldn't…"

"You didn't know," she cuts him because she doesn't have much patience for this after all. "That's why I'm telling you, so you don't have to feel bad about anything. I just don't celebrate this day, never had."

He tilts his head, regarding her intently. "Never?"

"It's not a day for joy, it's a day for grief," she repeats her father's words and even now they leave a bitter taste in her mouth.

Steve's visibly taken aback by these words. He hesitates a moment, trying to figure out if she really meant that. "Don't you think your mother would want you to celebrate the fact that you're alive?"

And that's the question Maria always asked herself. If her mother was so pure and perfect as her father described, she would be happy that her daughter was alive, right? But she never dared to mention this to dear dad; it would probably lead to an unwanted birthday gift.

Not having an answer herself, she doesn't say anything to Steve. She just starts piling up the food she wasn't going to eat anymore.

Steve just stares at her for a moment, wanting to get deeper in this conversation but knowing she isn't going to let him in any further than she already have. She needs to know he's there for her, though.

"So what do you usually do in this day? Do you visit her?" he asks, praying to his God that she doesn't shut him down.

Maria remains silent for a moment and he almost aches thinking she's going to ignore him when she says "Yes" in just above a whisper. Then she clears her throat and adds "Yes, I visit her. Actually I'm leaving soon. She's buried in my hometown and it's a long drive to get there."

"I can…" he starts but then pauses for a moment. She's done this by herself her whole life, and he already had pushed her so much today, was it wise to offer his company now? She's a loner by nature; she'll most likely turn him down in the spot. But he really wants to go with her.

"You can what?" she asks looking up from her handiwork with their plates and uneaten food.

"I can go with you," he says uncertain. "I mean, I know you're probably used to go alone and I understand if you say no, I totally do, but I'd love to go with you if you don't mind the company."

She looks at him, a frown adorning her features. "Why would you want to come with me? It's a rather depressing event," she says but it doesn't have any bite, it's like mere curiosity and this relaxes Steve a bit.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be so depressing," he gives her a small smile meant to convey his sincerity. "I wanna spent time with you and I wanna know more about you, if you let me."

He's always like this, always set on learning more about her, digging deeper, reaching for emotions she didn't even know she had within her, making her feel things she didn't think she could. He treats her like a fascinating work of art, a masterpiece that he wants to understand every aspect of it. But as much as he's eager to go further, he's patient with her own pace. He's so kind in his exploring, so mindful of her walls, so thoughtful with her fears and feelings in general. He always asks first, always make sure he's only going so far as she lets him. It makes her feel dizzy and uncertain and afraid because she never had this before in her life, she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even want to think about how would be like to make love to this man.

She shakes her head to get away from this line of thinking and focuses on the situation in hand. He asked to come with her, right. What she can do? Yes, she's used to go alone and feels more comfortable this way. She doesn't need him, nor would she know how to deal with his presence. And turning up at her really small town, where everyone knows everybody, with no one less than Captain America? This is asking for trouble. No, he shouldn't go with her.

But then she's learning that with every moment she spends with Steve Rogers, the harder it gets to say no to his face and more importantly to his big heart. So she concedes.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay," she repeats, not knowing what else to say. "We leave in an hour."

"You're letting me come? Really?" he asks with the biggest of grins, like he just woke up and it's fucking Christmas, and her insides warm at the idea of being the one who put that smile on his face.

"Yeah, really," she says back trying to contain a smile of her own. "Try not to make me regret this, though."

"I'll be on my best behavior, I promise," he says in seriousness, like Captain America is capable of not being on his best behavior all the time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know how trigger warnings work because I've never used them before but I should probably say that there's mention of abuse in this chapter; it's brief and definitely non-graphic though.

It's a long drive from the Avengers Complex to Maria's hometown. They talk about work and some random pop culture stuff, and then they listen to music – Steve introduces her some 40s ballads and she introduces him 80s and 90s rock.

Halfway through the journey they fall into a comfortable silence, just the radio playing some country music in the background. Maria is actually glad she agreed to let him come; he makes a nice distraction in this trip that usually is so dreadful. She starts to wonder why she would even think that it wasn't a good idea to bring him. And then he opens his mouth and she remembers why.

"How was it, growing up in a small town?" he asks from the passenger seat, looking out to the open fields surrounding the road.

Of course he was going to ask personal questions, that's why he wanted to come in the first place, to get to know her. She shouldn't be surprised or annoyed. But she's definitely uncomfortable.

"Horrible," she answers simply and honestly.

"How so?" he insists, turning to look at her.

She sighs; apparently they're doing this. "It was boring and everyone knew everybody and everything."

He mulls over this for a second. "But it must have been nice having people who know you."

"They didn't though, not really," she says back, the weight of this trip and the memories already reaching the surface. "They thought they did and that they had the right to stick their noses on everybody's business, but they really had no idea what was actually going on."

Steve frowns at her, and she's immensely glad that she's driving so she has an excuse to not meet his gaze. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she says back, wanting to shut down the subject.

He continues to stare at her, frowning, for a moment and she thinks he might press on but he doesn't. Instead he tries another way. "What about your friends? Wasn't nice growing up with them?"

He gets this nostalgic tone and she knows he's thinking about Barnes, and that softens her enough to give him an honest answer. "I didn't really have any friends. This lone wolf kinda thing I have going on it's not something I picked up as an adult," she chuckles. "There was this one girl though, she was always very nice to me and she helped me a lot with some stuff. But we lost touch after I moved."

He tilts his head and gets a puzzled look on his face. "I thought you said you always visit your mother on your birthday."

"And I do. But I only visit her," she clarifies. "I go straight to the cemetery and get straight back home. I don't go around town talking to people."

Steve silently considers that answer for a few minutes. Maria can hear him thinking, and she knows a real poke's about to come.

"What about your father?" he asks, looking intently at her.

She keeps her face impassive but fists clench around the wheel, knuckles turning white. She hopes Steve doesn't notice. "What about him?"

"What was he like?" he elaborates. "Was just the two of you after your mom passed? Were you guys close?"

She really doesn't want to talk about this right now but she knows if she avoids it he'll never leave it alone. "Yes, it was just the two of us and no, we weren't really close. What about your parents?" she knows she's shamelessly deflecting but she can't seem to care that much.

Steve just stares at her for a long moment before turning back to look outside his window. "My dad died in an accident at this factory when I was a kid. I don't remember much of him. I know we used to play baseball in the street, I have these flashes but I don't know if they're actual memories or just my mind trying to recreate the things my mom told me. Either way I never can actually picture his face."

"I'm sorry," she says and he just shrugs. She feels a little guilty for bringing it up.

"My mom was a nurse," he continues. "She was a very kind woman, and she really taught me how to be a man. She died when I was a teenager, got some sort of infection at the hospital she worked in. I wish I didn't remember as much as I do of that time, but I know she was really strong and that's what I try to take from it."

God, this isn't going well. "I'm really sorry, Steve. I shouldn't have asked."

He turns back at her and when she briefly looks over at him, he has a soft smile. "No, that's fine. This is what I wanted, for us to know more about each other. You told me about your parents, and I told you about mine. Besides it's been so many years, I'm okay talking about it."

Maria wished she was so okay with talking about her past. "What happened to you after your mom died?"

"Bucky and his parents took me in," he says, still smiling. "They were really wonderful to me, treated me like family. It was nice. Then Bucky joined the army, then I joined the army, and you know the rest of the story."

Maria nods and doesn't ask any more questions, and for a moment she thinks Steve's done too but he proves her wrong.

"Is your father still alive?"

"I think so," she answers, unsure.

"You don't know?" Steve asks and she can't help feeling like he's judging her.

"We're not exactly on speaking terms," she clarifies with an annoyed tone.

Steve senses it and for once leaves it alone. But not before saying "When you feel ready, you can talk about it with me. I'm here."

And she's just so plain irritated right now. He's not her fucking therapist, he's not her anything, why would she even want to talk about any of this with him? But she doesn't voice her anger because they still have a lot of road to cover and it would be really awkward. She just grips tighter the steering wheel and sighs deeply, trying to calm herself. Thankfully Steve seems to know what's going on and just turns up the radio a bit and goes back to staring outside his window.

* * *

Another hour into the drive they stop at a gas station to stretch the legs and Steve gets some chips and soda. Maria takes the opportunity to slip into the tiny bathroom and freshen up.

She hasn't stop thinking about the conversation with Steve. Why does she always get so angry when he tries to get close to her? It's not like he's being nosy and inconvenient, he isn't looking for gossip nor would he ever take advantage of any information she shares with him. He's not even pushing, pressuring her or anything, he's just genuinely interested on her. Why does that bother her so much?

It doesn't. She likes that he cares. She's not used to anyone caring and she thought it would be an awful experience but it's not. She really likes that he cares about her. And maybe that's why she's so uncomfortable when he tries to get to know her, she's so freaking scared that once he does he will see how broken she is and won't care anymore. And she can't even try to fool herself into thinking she would be cool with the rejection because she wouldn't; it would hurt a lot now that she knows a bit what feels like to have someone who cares. And because she cares about him so much too. That makes everything even scarier.

Most people who know her think that she's not capable of being scared, but they're so wrong. She is scared of a lot of things, but she's really good at not expressing it. She's really good at not expressing any emotions at all, but she feels them so deeply. And Steve is so good at making her feel comfortable with her emotions, even expressing them sometimes. He makes her feel light and well, like there are no demons in her head. And it should be weird how someone as pure and righteous as Captain America would understand someone as damaged as her but he does, and he makes her feel like it's okay to have a little dark inside as long as you don't let it consume you. And it's okay to try to be normal.

He does all of this for her, and what does she do for him? Shut him down whenever he tries to get close. She says the wrong things and she hurts him, even unintentionally. Maybe it's not her demons that will push him away in the end, maybe it's herself. He's bound to get tired of her behavior at some point, she knows she would if the roles were reversed. She should just accept now that they're doomed and drop this before it gets too deep and it hurts too much.

But she's freaking Maria Hill and she ain't going down without a fight. She likes him and she wants to be with him, that's decided. So she'll do whatever she can manage to have just that. If it's sucking up and getting over this irrational fear of talking to him, that's fine, she can do it. And who knows, maybe it'll help to talk about stuff? She knows she's tired of fighting her demons alone. She's doing this for him and for herself in the end.

Maria leaves the bathroom and strides to the car, mind made up. Steve's already in the passenger seat diving into his Doritos. "Ready to go?" she asks when she hops into the driver's seat.

"Are you?" he turns to her with a worried frown. "You were in there a while. Are you feeling okay?"

Not really, but she isn't about to disclose that. "They were out of toilet paper, I had to improvise."

He chuckles at that. "Sounds like a good story."

"Maybe later when you're not eating," she says back with a chuckle of her own.

"Good point," he concedes. "Do you want some chips, some soda, some candy?"

"Is it chocolate?"

"Yep, and mint gum," he says rummaging through his bags.

"I'll take just a piece of chocolate for now."

He hands her a full bar. "Just a piece, right."

She lightly punches his shoulder and they laugh. And right now she's more certain than ever that she can do it, she can open up to him and be with him and it will be all right.

They eat in silence for a while just enjoying junk food and each other's presence. After they finish and put the trash away, Steve turns to look outside his window again, distracted by the view. Maria takes a deep breath; it's now or never.

"He was mean to me," she says and grips the wheel tighter as a reflex, looking straight ahead.

Steve turns to her with a frown. "I'm sorry?"

She sighs. "My father. He was mean to me, for as long as I lived under his roof."

Steve takes a deep breath. He had figured that much but hearing out loud was another thing entirely. "What happened?"

Maria chuckles without any humor. "A lot of things happened," she says and waits for him to say something back, ask for something specific, but he doesn't. He's doing this on her terms, and she's so glad. "He loved my mother more than anything, literally. When she died he just kinda lost it. He blamed me for her death, used to say if I had never been born she would still be with him. That's why I never celebrate my birthday, it was a specially hard day in our household. On other days I could pretend he was just difficult but at my birthdays? That's when I was sure he hated me."

"Did he…" Steve starts, then takes a deep breath to keep calm. "Was he ever violent with you?"

"Sometimes, it wasn't common though. And most times he was really drunk so his hand wasn't as heavy as it could've been," she says, trying to sound casual but her demeanor was too tense to actually be convincing. "It was the things he said that really hurt."

"You told anyone about it?"

She shakes her head vehemently. "No. People would never believe me, he was a standard citizen, one of the greatest guys in the world. I was the problematic kid with a tendency for isolation."

"No one ever knew?" Steve asks with an edge in his tone.

"Well, there was the girl I told you about before," she answers. "I never really talked to her about it but she knew enough to put the pieces together and somewhat understand what was going on. But she was a kid too and there was nothing she could really do about it since I forbade her of saying anything to anyone, and she was very loyal. But she helped me a lot sometimes."

"And you lived like that for eighteen years?"

"I tried to run away once or twice with my friend's help when I was a teenager, but he always found me and brought me back," she explains. "That was also why I knew he hated me. If he just didn't care he would have let me go. He wanted me there with him, in that hellhole. But all that toughed me up for the Marines so," she jokes, trying to take some weight out of this moment but Steve doesn't laugh.

"I hate bullies," he says in a low tone. He's staring straight ahead with his jaw clenched and she knows he would love to hit something right now, preferably her father's face. And that shouldn't make her feel so warm inside but it does and it's nice.

"I know you do," she concedes because this must bring memories to him too, and it's selfish to be relieved that they're in this together but fuck it, since when does she have a problem with being a selfish bitch?

He turns to her and thought she can't look back at him she knows he's staring intently at her. "I'm really sorry for all of this, Maria."

She wants to say that it's not his fault or that it's all in the past or any other reassuring crap but she can't. "Yeah, me too."

He puts his hand on her thigh and squeezes it. "I'm glad you told me, though."

And she's momentarily surprised to realize that she is too. It does feel like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders, even though there's still some heavy shit in there. But once again Steve helped her feel a little light and it means so much today. He was able to improve her usually bad day after all.

She turns quickly to flesh a small smile at him. "I am too."

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I do. It helped."

"That's all I wanted," he says and squeezes her thigh again.

And she does not want to think about the implications of everything that's happening today or she won't make it to the end of it. This is just too much but not enough at the same time, like it always is with Steve Rogers.

"I need more chocolate," she says shaking herself. "Is there more? I need another bar like right now."

This time Steve chuckles and fishes a bar from his bag. "Of course, I've come prepared."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more Maria-centric; I love this character and I really enjoy coming up with backgrounds and situations for her to deal with.

They pass the welcome sign and Maria immediately leaves the main road, getting into a small dirt path.

"Are you going to murder me and leave my body in some ditch where not a God's soul will find it?" Steve teases.

"That does sound like something I would do," Maria concedes with a small laugh. "But not today. We're just taking an alternative route to the cemetery."

"One that avoids passing through the town completely," he points out.

"Precisely," she says and she expects another comment from him but he remains silent. She already made so much progress today.

After a few minutes they arrive at this open field full of tombstones of all sizes and styles. Maria keeps driving till they reach the other side, then she parks the car. Steve looks outside, expecting to see no one there but his sight immediately catches a man sitting on the grass next to a grave. He's old and he looks weary, like he's been there for awhile.

"Oh fuck," Maria swears and Steve involuntarily flinches, turning to her. "What is he doing here? Goddamn it!"

"Do you know this man?" Steve asks, concerned.

"That's him," Maria exhales a shaky breath. "That's my father."

Steve turns back to the man still sitting on the grass, apparently oblivious to their presence. He looks… tired. That's it. Steve had pictured him like some sort of cartoon villain (he even thought about Red Skull, but without the red of course), but he just looks like a tired old man. Steve can't pity him though, not after what Maria told him, and especially now that Maria seems completely shaken with his presence here.

"Why the hell is he here?" she curses again.

"Maybe he's visiting your mom too," Steve tries. "Is that her grave?"

"Yes," she answers between gritted teeth. "But he's not supposed to be here, not at this time. The afternoons are mine."

Steve turns back to her, with a confused look.

She sighs. "The first few times I came to visit her, we bumped into each other. It was so uncomfortable, so we made an agreement; every year he would stay with her in the mornings and I would come in the afternoons, that way we didn't have to see each other."

Steve's sad. He's just so sad for this whole situation. But he does his best to not let it show. "Do you want to leave?"

She just stares at the man outside for a while. "Not really," she says in a voice just above a whisper. "I mean I don't want to be here with him, but I really want to see my mother."

Steve wants to reach for her, take her hand, hug her or something, but he knows now is not the time. "What you're gonna do?"

She takes a deep breath. "I'm gonna go out there. I'm here for my mom. And I'm not afraid of him."

"Do you want me to stay here or can I go with you?"

Maria directs her gaze to Steve. She knows she should go alone, fight her own battles, be strong and independent. But it isn't about that; Steve isn't going with her to protect her, he's going as moral support. And the truth is that she wants to introduce him to her mom; this thing with Steve is one of the best things that happened to her lately and she wants to share it with the person who loved her the most.

Not that Maria believes her mother is in some sort of beyond looking down at her; she knows the woman is dead, as in doesn't exist anymore in this world or any other. But sitting at her mother's grave every year always gave her some sort of peace, as crazy and sinister as that sounds. And bringing Steve along in all this means a lot to her process of becoming better at human emotions and relationships.

"Come with me," she gives him a small smile that he returns with a twinkle in his clear blue eyes.

They get out of the car and head towards the man and the grave. Steve's at her side but walking one step behind, with a hand on her shoulder as to say "I won't get in your way but if you need me I'm right here". She appreciates this more than anything.

When they reach her mother's grave, her father lifts his head to look at them.

"Lillian," he says with a pained expression. "You came."

Steve is thrown off a bit. Who is Lillian?

"I always do," Maria replies, impassive. "Why are you here?"

Steve wonders why she didn't correct him.

"I was waiting for you," the man explains. "We need to talk, Lillian."

Steve frowns harder.

"That's not my name," Maria says back in a clipped tone. "Not anymore."

"You changed it?" he asks, not seeming so surprised.

"I erased it," she answers simply.

The man considers this for a second. "You're using her name," he says, turning to look at the tombstone.

Steve turns to look at it too and then he understands. Engraved on the stone is "Maria Hill-Tucker, Beloved Wife".

"I believe we don't have anything to talk about," Maria gets the conversation back on track.

The man looks back at her with that pained expression. "You're right, we don't. But I have a few things I'd like to say to you."

"And why would I listen to you?" she snaps back.

"Because I'm dying."

* * *

The drive to Mr. Tucker's house is silent. Maria just stares outside the passenger window, probably having too much to think about now. That's why Steve offered to drive, just following Tucker's car through the small streets of the quiet little town (a man his age and condition shouldn't be driving but it's not like Steve's gonna say anything about it now).

When they arrive at the place, Maria frowns at the house. They climb out of the car and walk to the front door that Tucker left open for them. Before they go in, Steve touches Maria's elbow and whispers "Are you okay?"

She looks at him but her eyes aren't quite focusing on his. "Yeah, I'm good," she says and turns to get in.

Steve grabs her hand. "Are you sure?" he asks, concerned that this is all too much for her.

She pauses for a second before fully turning to him and this time she holds his gaze with intent. "I'm okay, Steve."

Steve nods and squeezes her hand, and she squeezes it back. He can't voice how fascinated he is with her strength.

Once they get in, Maria looks around the living room. "You moved," she says to her father.

The man nods, looking at her. "I couldn't stay there. Too many memories."

Maria doesn't meet his eyes. She's internally glad that he moved; she thinks she wouldn't be able to handle the memories too if they were at their old house.

Tucker motions for them to sit in the couch. "Can I get you something to drink? Water, juice, coffee?"

"No," Maria says shortly. "We won't be long."

"I see," Tucker says. He turns to regard Steve for a moment, as if finally noticing his presence. "Was it really necessary to bring Captain America as your bodyguard?"

Steve feels a little awkward right now, not sure how to react in this situation.

"You know who he is?" Maria asks her father.

"I'm old and sick, I'm not stupid," Tucker simply says.

Maria gives him a look that says exactly how stupid he is.

Steve jumps in to clarify things. "I'm not her bodyguard. I'm her boyfriend."

Maria should be freaking out that Steve's going around calling himself her boyfriend but in this specific case she couldn't care less. She's actually happy he said it, not only because it's a big and nice statement of how he feels about her but also because she can throw in her father's face that she's dating the purest most righteous man in the world and that must mean she's not as damaged as he accused her to be.

Tucker's caught off guard by this one. "Wow, I'm…," he stumbles on his words. "What… how…"

"You said you had some things to tell me," Maria cuts him off, dismissing this subject.

He pauses for a moment, then says "Maybe we could talk privately?" his eyes flicker to Steve.

Steve turns to Maria and waits for instructions; he doesn't want to leave but if that's what she wants he will do without even arguing. Like a good bodyguard-slash-boyfriend.

Maria turns to Steve too and thinks it over for a moment. She knows the only reason she made it this far in this whole ordeal it's because of his support. She does not back down from confrontation, except when it's about this particular part of her past. Everyone has their Achilles' heel, right? She's not about to get rid of Steve and be completely vulnerable in front of the person who hurt her the most in her life.

She shakes her head. "No," she replies, turning back to her father. "Steve stays."

"All right," Tucker says and again motions towards his beat up couch. "Sit."

"I'm good standing," she would actually like to sit very much, she's feeling tired from the emotional shit she faced these last hours, but she doesn't take orders from this man anymore.

Tucker looks at her knowing that she's just challenging him but doesn't call her out on it. "Well, if it's all the same to you I'll sit. These legs ain't got no use anymore."

Maria and Steve just stare at him from their standing positions beside each other.

"Okay," Tucker sighs. "I was diagnosed two months ago, liver cancer. The disease is spreading fast, I have maybe two or three months left."

"Is this the part where I offer you the service of the best doctors and the highest technology in the world to treat you?" Maria says sarcastically.

"No," Tucker replies shaking his head. "I'm going to die a horrible and painful death, and I made my peace with it."

"Really, you made your peace with it?"

"Yes, because that's what I deserve," he says looking directly at her. "I'm paying for my sins. And I didn't bring you here to ask you to save me, and I just needed to tell you that I'm sorry."

Maria scoffs and crosses her arms, an incredulous look on her face. "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

"And I understand if you can't forgive me, you have every right, and I know it doesn't change anything but I can't die without telling you how much I regret everything that happened."

"So you can leave this earth with your heart at ease," she says back, sarcasm dripping.

"My heart will never be at ease," he says, that pained look back on his face. "I'm a monster, and I'm finally owning up to my mistakes..."

"If you're fishing for compassion you won't get any," Maria cuts him off.

"I am not," Tucker replies with a clipped tone. "For the first time in my life I'm being completely honest, can you please just listen to me?"

"Fine," Maria says, finally sitting on the couch. "Give me your best."

Tucker actually chuckles at this. "You are exactly like her. Your looks, your temper, everything. You remind me too much of her, always did."

She remains unfazed. He sighs. "I should have loved you. All the reasons why I didn't are the reasons why I should have done it. You're a part of her, and you're so much like her. You're her legacy on this earth, her last gift to me before she died, and I didn't appreciate it. I was so caught up in my own misery that I dragged you down with me when I should have protected you. I should have been your father."

He pauses there and regards his daughter for a moment. Maria's expressionless the entire time, maybe she wasn't even listening.

"I won't justify what I did," he keeps going. "None of my issues excuses the hell I put you through. It took me too many years to realize how I messed up everything for both of us and I'm so sorry about that. I was blind for a long time but now I know how much I regret everything I did to you, I really do. And I need you to know that I never hated you and…"

To this Maria breaks her mask and lets out a barked laugh.

"I really didn't," Tucker says, locking gazes with her. "I hated myself. I was a coward and you were so much stronger than me, and I hated myself for it. I tried to convince myself you were the one I hated but I never could. And I didn't know how to be anyone other than that miserable man who had to take it out his sorrow on the only person he had left."

"I'm touched," she says sarcastically.

He thinks something over for a moment. "I tried, you know, to be better. Sometimes I would get a grip on myself and realize how horrible I was and I would try to be better. Remember when I used to make blueberry pancakes for breakfast with way too much syrup? Or when I'd let you eat your favorite candy when you got an A in a class? Or when we fixed your bike together? When you'd get up in the middle of the night to play videogame and I pretended I didn't know?"

"You knew about that?" she asks, surprised.

"You weren't as stealthy as you think," he says with a smirk.

"Well, you'd be impressed with the things I can do now," she replies casually.

He goes back to that pained expression. "I'm sure I would."

Maria seems to realize their situation and puts her mask back on. "A few good times don't make up for all the bad."

"I know," he concedes. "I was just trying to point out that I tried. But I failed, time and time again. I guess being a good person it's just not who I am. And if I could go back and change things I would in a heartbeat."

"But you can't," Maria cuts him off. "And it's too late now to make things right."

"I know, I'm not trying to, I just…"

"You know what, I can't do this," Maria stands abruptly. "I can't listen to you anymore, I have to go."

She leaves the house with Steve hot on her heels, hops in the passenger seat of her car and slams the door, taking deep successive breaths. Steve hops in the driver's seat but before he can say anything she barks "Drive."

"Where to? I don't really know the area," he says, voice laced with concern.

"Anywhere, I don't care," she snaps back. "Go back to the cemetery, anything. Just get me away from him."

"Okay," and in seconds he's driving away and leaving Mr. Tucker on his doorstep looking after the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when I'll update this because I have absolutely no clue what to do next. Opinions and suggestions are welcomed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update, I struggled a lot with this chapter. At first I didn’t know exactly what to do and then when I knew what I wanted I had trouble writing it because it hit too close to home. Some of Maria’s feelings and lines here I took from my own life and I apologize if it’s crappy but this kinda is my therapy; writing helps me express and deal with some of my issues, so I appreciate your patience. I also apologize for any grammar mistakes and all, I just couldn’t revise it. Thanks for sticking around, hope y’all enjoy. xx

Maria and Steve are sitting in the lawn next her mother's grave. He drove them back here, he didn't know where else to go, and as soon as they reached the cemetery she went straight to her mom. He sat next to her, and they've been silent for at least 20 minutes, processing everything.

"I'm not a good person," she says, following a line of thought she was keeping to herself until now.

He wants to argue, because the notion that Maria Hill isn't a good person is ridiculous to him. She's not perfect, no one is, but she does have a good heart; she knows what's right and she does her best to protect her people. Isn't that what the good guys are supposed to do?

But he doesn't say anything because this is her moment, she'll deal with it in her own terms and he'd never take this from her. He'd never take anything from her.

"I may play in the good guys team but I'm a fraud," she continues. "I don't have the pure golden heart I should have. I don't believe in redemption; if you were an evil prick you'll never be redeemed, the most you can do is compensation. I believe in earning things. You do bad shit, you get bad shit. Want good things for you? Then don't fuck up. Simple as that."

Steve nods, even though she can't see him, just because that's so Maria Hill philosophy right there, with the cussing and everything.

He waits for her to say something else, and she looks like she wants to but for some reason she doesn't. So he tries, "That doesn't make you a bad person."

"Oh but it does," she lets out a humorless chuckle, so dry that he thinks it must have irritated her throat. She waits a few seconds before turning to Steve. "I don't believe him. I don't believe in his regret and his redemption and that whole act back there. I can't. I look at him and listen to him but I can't really see or hear him because all of those horrible memories come back and I just want it gone. I want _him_ gone."

Steve just holds her gaze and tries not to react to the meaning behind her words. He doesn't want to do anything that could shut her down now, she's letting him in and he doesn't want to do anything that could break this connection.

"I can't forgive him, Steve. I could never forget and I won't ever forgive. That's just who I am," she says without faltering. "And I'm not sorry he's dying."

Steve inhales audibly. He didn't mean to but she's kind of scaring him a bit right now. She shows no emotion at all while saying she's not sorry her father is dying, that's not something you see every day.

"I'm not a good person," she repeats herself, looking away again.

"That's… It isn't…," Steve tries but he can't exactly form a coherent thought. He has so much to say but no way to say it.

"It's fine," she shrugs. "I don't care. I don't need anyone's approval, never did."

And does she even realize what's behind that statement? She never had her father's approval so she stopped caring about it altogether; she doesn't give a damn about fitting in, got used to being alone.

Thing is, she's not alone anymore.

He moves and repositions himself behind her, back-to-back. He wants her to talk to him, to let it all out, but he knows she struggles with looking vulnerable in front of other people so he gives her as much privacy as he can. But he makes sure to be pressed firmly against her to show that he's there, that she can lean on him – quite literally – if she wants to. He'd never say it out loud because she'd make fun of how cheesy he is, but he wants to be her rock.

"Why does he deserve to die a painful and horrible death?" Steve asks simply, without any emotion on his voice, like he's just doing a survey with random people on the street.

He's not sure if it's the question itself or the way he asks it that makes her turn around to look at him, but she does and she has a deep frown like she's wondering if he's gone mental. He just looks back at her like he had only inquired the time.

She turns ahead again, shaking her head. They stay silent for a long time, Steve's already considering another approach when she finally speaks.

"He broke me," she says and it's barely a whisper. "He emotionally damaged me for life."

She sounds so small and not at all like the Maria he knows and Steve's heart clenches painfully.

"I don't know how to handle human interactions, at least not meaningful ones," she starts, staring straight ahead. "I learned how to fake my way through a conversation, it's a skill you have to master in an undercover op. But if I have to be real, I can't. I'm bad at small talk, I can't convey interest nor I'm gentle, I don't know how to comfort, I can't even properly hug. I never had any of this growing up because of him and now I suck at everything. I'm actually afraid of those things, of human emotions in general."

He feels her shrug, but it's stiff. "I don't know how to care for someone, no one's ever taught me that. He never cared, I never had someone caring for me, I don't know what it feels like. I'm a horrible friend, unbearable coworker and I can't sustain a long-lasting relationship for the life of me. But it's not because I don't care, it's because I don't know how to care."

She lets out a humorless chuckle. "But then again it doesn't even matter because there'd be no one anyway. He made me believe I wasn't enough, I'd never be enough. I'm not worth anyone's time. I'm unlovable and I deserve to die alone."

"Because of him I gave up on my childhood dreams, I never grasped the real meaning of love, the only human emotions I can express are anger and disappointment – this when I manage to express emotion at all. I'm always so cold," she hesitates a moment, taking a deep breath. "He dehumanized me and it's taking me a while to get it back, and I'm not even sure I'm succeeding. Is there a point, anyway? I don't know. Maybe I should stick with I'm actually good at. Just do the job and to hell with everything else."

Steve waits for her to add something else, but she says nothing more. He then thinks over a way to get to his point and be taken seriously by her.

"What's your job?" he asks after a while. She turns to him with a frown. "Humor me," he adds with a small smile and she rolls her eyes.

"I work for the top company in the business of world security," she repeats the Stark Industries slogan.

"World security," Steve emphasizes. "So you're responsible for keeping the world safe."

"To put it mildly," she says; he can't see her face because she's turned away again, but he can feel the eye-roll in the air.

"Point is, you do whatever it takes to protect people, right?"

"Yes."

"How is that not showing care?" he points out. "I know you don't do this job for the paycheck. You might be making a small fortune now at SI but you worked for years at S.H.I.E.L.D. and I know for a fact that salary there was a joke considering the kind of work you had to do every day. You don't do it for fame because you're by far the most closed person I've ever met. In fact, one of the things that make you so good at your job is that you're stealthy as hell. No one knows you and that's how you like it. You don't do it to impress people because as you said it yourself, you don't seek anyone's approval," he presents his case. "So why do you do this job?"

She takes a moment before replying. "Because it's the right thing to do. We have to do our best to keep the world in peace."

"Isn't that the good guys slogan or something?" he argues. "So don't tell me you're not a good person. You may be skittish, strict and morally grey sometimes, but you're not a bad person."

He feels her taking another deep breath, and hears a slight crack in it, like she's trying to keep her emotions in check. Having this confirmation that he's getting to her, he presses on.

"Besides, there are so many ways to show affection and care. Some people are comfortable with saying it out loud, talking about their feelings and stuff like that. Other people show care in their attitude, in small gestures. It doesn't matter, the impact is the same," he explains.

"You work hard every day to protect your people, that's showing care. You know Natasha's triggers and you never sent her on a mission that could mess her up, that's care. You used to have a very comfortable that I happen to know it was also very expensive couch on your office at S.H.I.E.L.D. because Barton likes to take random naps and you know no one would disturb him in your office, that's care. You put up with Tony because of Pepper, that's care. You cried when Fury died – the first time I ever saw you cry actually –, that's care. And you worry that because of your natural bluntness you might hurt my feelings sometimes, that's care," he says this last one with a proud smile, happy to be one of Maria Hill's people.

"I could give you a thousand examples that you do know how to show care, in your own way, and that's what makes it so more meaningful. You're an honest and true friend, you're a competent and thoughtful coworker and you never had a long-lasting relationship because you hadn't met the right person," he gives her a light poke and adds "Until now."

Maria snorts. "Someone's confident."

"No, someone's hopeful," he retorts. "So you may be not an expert on emotional stuff, so what? Touchy-feely is overrated. The people who care about you don't expect that from you. We like you the way you are, if you changed you wouldn't be our Maria."

She turns around to face him, a much more serene expression on her face. "'Our' Maria?"

"Our Maria," Steve nods.

He takes her hands in his. "And hey, I'm not gonna say that I know it was hard going through what you did growing up because I don't know. I mean, I know it was hard but I have no clue what was actually like. The same way you don't know how deep my old wounds are. The only ones that understand our own demons are ourselves. So I won't judge you for feeling the way you feel towards you father; to be honest I don't care for him myself," he shrugs. "I have no right to do shit here, actually. But I will offer my support in any way you need it, and I will reassure you one thing: he didn't dehumanize you; he might have tried but he failed because what I see here in front of me is a hero, and not because you have superpowers but precisely because you are human. The human quality in you is what makes you special, and coming from a guy who hasn't been human for at least 75 years, you know it's true."

She chuckles lightly, lowering her head to stare at their hands.

"You are not unlovable," Steve adds, squeezing her hands. "I can guarantee that."

Maria snorts. "You can guarantee someone will actually fall in love with me?" she asks in a skeptical tone.

"I can guarantee someone already is falling in love with you."

She looks up at him so fast he's sure she got a whiplash, utter shock on her face. He looks back at her and just smiles. He didn't mean to say that, it's too soon in their relationship. But after a day like today, after all the layers he uncovered – better yet, that she shared willingly with him – he can't help but be more and more fascinated by the depth of this woman. She thinks she's scaring him away with all these revelations, but truly he's drawn to her more than ever now, amazed by what's underneath the hardass Maria Hill.

And he's just now realizing what all this fascination with her actually means. It surprised him too this realization, but not in a bad way. He's not scared 'cause it feels right. Falling in love with Maria feels right.

She opens her mouth but no words come out, and she just keeps staring at him. He knows she's freaking out, and he kinda regrets admitting his feelings because it's already been such an emotional day for her, he didn't mean to drop this bomb on top of everything.

He shakes his head, trying to dismiss his statement. "Don't say anything, don't dwell on this, it's not important…"

"How can you even say that right now!" she shoots back, slightly irritated. She hates being caught off guard. She drops his hands and turns away again.

He gets irritated with himself too. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it. The timing is the worst and I didn't mean to overwhelm you or anything, I just… goddammit I'm such an idiot!"

Maria huffs. "Yes, you are an idiot. But because you always get it right," she sighs. "God, you're so infuriating sometimes, do you know that? How you're always right about everything and do everything right, and you're… ugh."

She's so flustered and frustrated, he wants to laugh because it's actually endearing. But of course he doesn't, he very much prefers to stay alive.

She shakes her head vehemently. "This doesn't make any sense."

Steve has a fairly good idea of what she's getting at. "Don't overthink this, Maria."

"But this is what I do, Steve! I analyze things, that's my job!" she barks, her irritation spiking.

"But this isn't your job, Maria! This is you and me, this is us!" he shoots back. "Don't get in your head too much, with us you gotta follow your gut, okay! What's your instinct telling you right now?"

She turns back to him and stares into his eyes, a blazing fire on her own. They stare at each other for a few seconds – that feel like an eternity – and then she moves towards him and covers his lips with hers in a decisive, firm and meaningful kiss.

He kisses back with a fire of his own, devouring the words she doesn't need to say because it's all in there, all in that heavenly kiss.

Then they break apart, panting. He leans his forehead against hers and they keep close, breathing each other's air.

"Well," he says finally catching his breath. "Happy fucking birthday."

And then she laughs. Steve have seen Maria laugh of course, but right now, after the day she had and the ugly emotions she's feeling since she woke up this morning, all brought up by terrible memories, seeing her laugh with such abandon it makes his heart explode with joy.

He just wants to stay in this moment forever because when Maria Hill laughs everything's just right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I don't know when I'll update. I don't think it'll take too long tho. Let's hope my muse doesn't let me down.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for all mistakes and sloppy writing.


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